No good super PAC names left

Image: Mario Anzuoni / Reuters

$133 mln is the total money raised so far by Republican Jeb Bush for his US Presidential Election campaign, which is 36.4 percent more than the second highest fund raiser Hillary Clinton

Whether there’s too much money in politics is a fine subject for your next bar stool debate, but that there are far too many super PACs in politics seems beyond dispute. Evidence: The goofy, inscrutable, vaguely dishonest names of the season’s crop of political action committees. Whatever happened to plain speaking? Some real-life examples from the current electoral cycle:

UNINTIMIDATED PAC
Promoting: Scott Walker
2016 cycle receipts: $20 million
Slogan: “We can fight and win for America.”
Instead, call it: Intimidated at the First Sign of Trouble, So Let’s Drop Out and Lay $20 million on the Packers to Beat the Spread on Sunday PAC

CORRECT THE RECORD
Promoting: Hillary Clinton
2016 cycle receipts: $1.4 million
Slogan: “A strategic research and rapid-response team designed to defend Hillary Clinton from baseless attacks.”
Instead, call it: Connecting With Supporters Via Semaphore, Because to Hell With E-Mail PAC

NEXTGEN CLIMATE ACTION
Promoting: Nice weather, tolerable sea levels
2016 cycle receipts: $5.3 million
Slogan: “Acting politically to prevent climate disaster and promote prosperity for all Americans.” Instead, call it: Boy, Are Tom Steyer’s Heirs Mad He’s Frittering Away Their Inheritance and Not Even Winning Many Elections PAC

WE THE PEOPLE, NOT WASHINGTON
Promoting: George Pataki
2016 cycle receipts: $859,000
Slogan: “Formed to support Governor Pataki’s future agenda to empower the citizens of our great nation.”
Instead, call it: Help Our Guy Land a Lucrative Gig on Fox News Once He Folds Post-Iowa PAC

SECURITY IS STRENGTH
Promoting: Lindsey Graham
2016 cycle receipts: $2.9 million
Slogan: “Protect America.”
Instead, call it: Well, There’s Always My Comfy Seat on the Senate Appropriations Committee as Soon as This Comes to Its Inevitable End PAC